Saturday May 30th 2009 #2

Good morning!! 
Well, Ill tell you something... I wont be having a repeat of last night -- I think it will go down in history with a handful of nights never wished to be repeated -- and I never clicked onto the reason why until about 10am this morning... 

Ill backtrack a little bit... Cause its an interesting story...
So I went to bed alright last night... Awaking suddenly at 1am in cold sweats, shakes, achy on top of achy, unable to find a comfortable position, throbbing jaw, glands, clotrophobic and busting to go to the toilet... In fact throughout the night I went to the toilet 4 times, which is unusual for me! So poor Mum was up each time as I cant get myself out of bed and she has to remove the bed cradles... I was miserable and wayyyy over emotional... At 2am I was feeling so yuck that I was crying so much I went through nearly half a box of tissues, and coughing under every breath... This went on for over 2 hours!! It was nuts!! I ended up txting Mum cause I couldn't calm myself down to stop crying and so for the next hour she txt me... Mums way to overcome it --- PRAY! And it did work to a degree....  I dozed and awoke in shock from 5am to 7am where sleep as no longer an option so started watching TV... Mum was shattered so slept through till about 10am but I spied my sister coming down the stairs about 9am and so she got me out of my dreaded bed --- I couldn't get out fast enough... lol...

She was going to give me my meds but had to go out so I waited for Mum --- 3 hours past my normal meds time -- but I still didnt really click on... Not until Mum came out saying.... "Umm.. Kylee, we missed your supper meds last night... Did you realise??"... "Uhh.. No... Ohh, man.. It ALL makes sense now!! No wonder I had such a rough night! Wow!"  

So moral of the story?? Never Ever miss a dose of medication!! (You can laugh, its ok, haha)  I sure wont be doing that again!! And to think one dose could give such a full set of symptoms is rather frightening! Luckily when its time to come off them my specialist knows how to do it safely so that I don't have any negative side effects!! Its a one and only I sure learnt the hard way (accidentally)... It took till lunchtime and a nice shower for things to start to settle down... lol...

This afternoon I have a friend over and we are just chilling out watching DVDs again -- its yucky and cold outside... Later on I have a friend from Auckland visiting and then Jaimee has a friend joining us from Auckland to stay overnight too... 

Tomorrow I am looking forward to, all going well, heading into town with some friends for coffee and to see the shops... So I'm that will be really neat!! I hate being caught up at home unable to go out lol... So its all good...

My body still hasnt come into line since this last hit of Ketamine... We seem to have taken a step backwards and Im waiting to see a leap ahead (which is what we need now)... So I told Mum this morning that I was giving my body a few days grace to show me that it has responded positively to this last hit and has not, as it appears right now, taken a step backwards... I still have hope... and like my last post, we still have everything
when we have hope!! I love the word 'hope'... Ill name one of my kids hope one day haha... Hope and Grace they are amazing words!!! 

Well, I'm going to go watch some DVDs with Jaimee but I will leave you with some history on the word 'Hope'...  :)  
Its quite interesting.... :)

I hope you are having a good day... Love Kylee xxx

Deffinition of Hope:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope
"Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events andcircumstancesin one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. [1]Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude. "  
Hope was personified in Greek mythology as Elpis. When Pandoraopened Pandora's Box, she let out all the evils except one: hope. Apparently, the Greeks considered hope to be as dangerous as all the world's evils. But without hope to accompany all their troubles, humanity was filled with despair. It was a great relief when Pandora revisited her box and let out hope as well. It may be worthy to note that in the story, hope is represented as weakly leaving the box but is in effect far more potent than any of the major evils. In some faiths and religions of the world, hope plays a very important role. Hope can be passive in the sense of a wish, or active as a plan or idea, often against popular belief, with persistent, personal action to execute the plan or prove the idea. Consider a prisoner of war who never gives up hope for escape and, against the odds, plans and accomplishes this. By contrast, consider another prisoner who simply wishes or prays for freedom, or another who gives up all hope of freedom.