Hello from my bed! In 2 weeks from now I hope to be able to say, "Hello, from my chair!" And i will be typing with 2 hands, sitting in a chair wearing pants, socks and shoes -- something I havent done in over 5 months ---but in saying that Im also realistic, so if it takes time I understand!

I uploaded some photos before -- they arent the greatest but they'll do.... Do you want to know whats really awesome about this site?? When Im better and I dont need to write or anything anymore --- They will turn it into a full on proper book for me to keep as a keepsake to look back on with all my journal entries, photos and guestbook messages (an incentive to sign my guestbook, haha) ... I thought that was really awesome -- A really neat idea... Though I was thinking you know... Its a neat idea for me but what about those families who have been using this site and lost their loved one through a health battle, quite a sobering thought... That book would then contain and document those last horrific days of their loved ones life.... When you think about it, it transplants you to another state of mind, that one that makes you all of a sudden stop and think about life in all its fullness and meaning, and lets you think about if you are on the track you want to be on...

Enough of the sad stuff, You know I really do believe I am exactly where God wants me to be -- its true! Nearer the beginning I got this real sense to just walk thing through as they come, that God knew what he was doing and I would be ok, I got this real deep sense of peace... That went beyond what I understood... I know God will get me through this.. I have no doubts... But.. If by chance he doesnt then I will do the best with what Ive got... I'll never give up.. But I will adapt... Im determined to make a differece with my life... I dont know what that looks like yet... Thats up to God but ill do my best none the less!

I got alot of slack in the beginning for not being healed and told to "just ignore the pain, drop the crutches and walk out the healing literally..." and that I didnt have enough faith or I didnt want my healing bad enough, or I must have done something real bad or God was angry at me... I dont think it works like that... Some people get instant physical healings, others dont -- and no one will know why until we get to heaven... I realise Im walking on very touchy ground for many people... I believe in instant healings... But sometimes when those instant healings dont come... I dont think its cause we dont have enough faith, God says we only need faith the size of a mustard seed -- now thats the tinniest seed at the time when the bible was written that they knew of, and if it was in Gods will, we could move a mountain into the sea... Now, in all my lifetime or anything I know of, No one has been able to move a mountain into the sea -- its not Gods will... But that doesnt men if that person doesnt move that mountain into the sea (whatever that mountain is in your life) that they dont have enough faith, I think it means its just not in Gods will at this stage! Maybe later down the track - sure - but I think Maybe sometimes Gods plans are bigger than ours... Sometimes I think that to 'wak out' your healing is an even bigger miracle, God can use us no matter where we are at but if someone can walk through 'crap' and still be praising God then that brings glory to him, it also makes us real!

Let me explain... Life is unfair sometimes, I dont believe God causes bad things to happen but I do believe if we give those bad things over to him he will use it for good (Gen 50:20) and also let it bring glory to His name. My Dad had a brain tumour in 2001 which resulted in head injury, epilepsy and a totally different Dad to the one I had ever known... We prayed for ages (and still do), we had pastors and miniters come round, we went to healing meetings, we beeged and pleaded with God but healing didnt come in the form we expected -- God never works in the way we expect... But you know, I remember one night Mum told us she firmly believed and heard from God, "wait, and see what I am doing" ... We are a pretty open family... Everyone knows Dad has head injury and struggles with it... When I was diagnosed with Anorexia, Dad wasnt ashamed and would introduce me as "This is my daughter Kylee, she has Anorexia, but is fighting it and doing really well", I used to be embarrased till Mum told me in many ways it was a compliment as it ment in no way was he ashamed of me or the disease I was struggling with... and the reason I tell you that is this: When you are open with things, when things arent perfect.. or lets make that.. When things are damn hard yet you can still stand up and praise God and are still walking it through day by day, its called being real... We arent free from trials and hardship just cause we are christian, no one is... Bur being real opens the doors for other to be real, it gives them permission to talk about stuff, to share their struggles and things... All of a sudden you dont have to be wearing that mask pretending everything is fine.. The amount of people we have had walk through our house and sit down and say, "I havent told anyone this..." or " Could I talk to you bout..." or "Tell me, how do you do it?" it then gives you an opportunity to share about God or let another person start on their track to healing or just even opens the doors for peopple to be real.... Oh, I wish I could communicate here the many many stories, tears, laughter, heartache,  praise and things that have come out of the house purely because we are walking a hard walk every day and still smiling still walking the walk... Sometimes Gods picture is bigger than just me .. or just you.. or just my Dad... God never ever lets us down.. He hasnt forgotten bout my Dad -- hes walking with him, carrying him everyday... He hasnt forgotten about my Mum who cares for all of us he shows us miracles every day if you choose to look for them.... He hasnt forgotten about me and he hasnt forgotten about YOU!

What about that lady, I cant remember her name, but she had an accident and was bed bound for over 40 YEARS! Can you imagine that? Now most people would think, "Stuff this, God where are you, Im in horrendous pain all day and I cant get out of bed" But you know what?? She decided early on she wanted to make a difference with her life, she was paralysed from the waist down i think... She looked at what she had and found something she could do -- She started to write devotionals from her bed... You know what... That lady, stuck in bed was used by God in an incerdible way... She went on to write mant many devotional books for those who were struggling and those books touched many people and went on to transform huge amounts of lives!! God couldnt have used her in that way if he had instantly healed her and she went on to live a busy life doing what she may. She wouldnt have had the knowledge of those deep places to be able to write the heart felt devotionals and encouragement!

Mum told me once of something about 12 months after Dad had hid brain tumour removed that God spoke to her quite clearly about that always sticks out to me... One time Mum was sitting on the loo in the middle of daylight and one of us kids had left the light on and God spoke to her.. "Does the light make a difference" , Mum thought, come on God dont be stupid, of course not, its the middle of the day, duh... She continued on and didnt think to much about it... Later that night she got up to go to the toilet and it was dark so flicked the light on when she went in... Again God spoke to her," Does the light make a difference?" Mum thought, well yes, of course it does, come on God, its the middle of the night.....Thats when Gos said to her, "when everything is going fine for you my light often shines a little but when you are walking through dark valley times thats when my light can shine the most and make the biggest difference!"  How awesome is that?? When we are walking through hard times yet stay close to God and cling onto him that is when His presence makes the biggest difference in the world around us!!

God has a purpose in everything - whether he instantly heals, lets us walk ou the healing or went dont see a physical healing at all -- God never leaves us high n dry... Sometimes he may do an inner work.. Healing our spirit, or mayb he is helping us to build the strength faith and courage we need to reach our destiny... Any trial can be used for good if we allow it! God never ever leaves us or lets us down! You know, Paul, in the Bible had a thorn in his side, 3 times he asked God to remove it but God said, My grace is suffucient for you", pretty neat, it kept him dependant on God! Or that other guy in the Bible who met with God and was then left with a permenant limp....

I dont know what Gods plan for my life is but at this stage I will do what I have to do and keep trusting Him -- Yes, its not always easy, Im the first to say that, but Im doing my best and I aint letting go...God has a plan for my life --  and I will keep doing everything I need to in the physical and Ill keep doing everything I can in the spiritual, the two will come together!

Im going make a difference with my life whether that be in a wheelchair, with a walking stick or fully healed! Im believing for full healing, but I also pray God heal me if its in your will -- cause if I have to have a little infirmity to fulfill my destiny -- than bring on my destiny!! I say!

We got a big God who knows what he is doing, all we need to do is TRUST!